I’ve probably wrote about this before. I might have even expressed this in many different forms. Yet I still believe it’s very important to discuss again. The idea that you’re only trapped until you decide to change what your doing about it.

I’m trapped right now. I feel inferior in many ways due to a comment that was made by people I trusted. Yet this comment was totally something I knew would unravel my life and others around me. If you’ve ever experienced something like that I am sorry for your stress, and other effect it is having upon you.

I am choosing to use it as a strength. I want to succeed. I have wanted my own version of success for years and I have always ran from it. The thoughts that trip me up were planted in my head by my parents and have been pervasive in every action I have taken in my life.

So instead of trying to manufacture success. I think it’s time I start giving in. I am anxious and trying to go to sleep. This feeling happens nightly. So I get up and think about writing. Yet the energy of the panic and fear that I’m experiencing does not follow me. I am after all not in the same spot. The ideas are different and I have to learn to find them when sitting at my computer.

So tonight. I chose to lay here and write. I chose to experience the emotion and write through it. Instead of write later when everything is okay.

Thank you for reading this. This might be vague for more but it’s a big step. Behind the scenes I have been learning for myself about how to be myself and without running from a commitment I can say one day this place will thrive.