Today I’m done being a victim of circumstance, I’m done listening to the conditioning, I’m done telling myself that it’s okay to communicate with people that are literally playing upon those trauma’s manipulating them into predictable actions that I will take. I am done with all of it, because today I’m going to be good, not okay, not “normal”, nothing but good. I’m not going to let the past language of anger, either misplaced and misguided towards me, or directed at me on purpose, lead to my mind capturing me. I won’t do that today because today is not just about me, and it’s completely about me. Today is my day, it doesn’t matter if it’s Christmas or not, it doesn’t matter if I’m tired, it doesn’t matter if I am depressed. It doesn’t matter because I won’t let it.
If you read the above and felt like I was experiencing a high or low in my mental health you’re wrong. If you read that above and said “wait for the crash”, you’re pessimistic. If you read the above and cheered, you’re on my team. If you read the above and said let’s wait and see, you’re the target audience I had when I joined this website and decided that a blog would be what I did to communicate who I am. Now every single one of you is my target audience. Because we all suffer, we all deal with exhaustion, pain, and emotional weight. What a small portion of us do is accept that it is a thing and still get up, still allow expectations to be placed upon them and communicate how those expectations must be curved to receive satisfaction on both sides.
Today I love my Autism, today I love me. That’s my Christmas gift to myself. It’s one I’ve needed for years. As I remember all of the reasons that this day fucking sucks. I’ve been the victim of that for too fucking long. If you are a victim of such thoughts, through no fault of your own or self-inflected. Get up, go watch TV with your family. Maybe you don’t have a family and you’re by yourself. Go find a family that wants to watch TV with you, family does not need to be blood. Find a friend, sit on a chat device and just be with another human being today. Then go forward and choose to do that more often, for your own health.
Today I love me. Today my Christmas is the gift I want to be a gift that gives forever. No matter what my moments of weakness are. Have a good day everyone. You’re not your trauma. You’re not your victimhood. Take the initiative it’ll feel so good to get the satisfaction for yourself. Even if someone else benefits.