I hate being Autistic in a world where I cannot express myself without having a comprehensive understanding of my emotional state because of the mental gymnastics I have had to endure to deal with everyday life inside of the society that is now changing in front of me.
Today is not a day that I like my Autism. These last seven days have not been days that I like my Autism. It is like a badge of honor when I can utilize my Autism to create a type of communication that allows others to understand me in a way that expands their minds to the type of communication that I use in a positive way. I even am proud when I am able to achieve things that others are able to do, because I can take my complexities and break them down into succinct (I had to go to google to remember how to spell that word because I have so much pent up anxiety that is it literally causing me to lose focus on words right now) little phrases that allow them to understand my brain for a few moments. Positive or negatively those moments matter to me because they help.
Yet now I’m watching the world burn itself down. The United States has Elected a madman fanning the flames of discontent and creating a dystopian type of future that I never expected to show up on the American soil. I could say that if I believed it, but the sad part is I do not. I do not believe we are in a dystopian world I feel like we are in the 1950’s again. He did it, we are “great” again. Women will end up in the kitchen, social outcasts like myself will be chained to the basement and socially normal men will bury their emotions and create a society built upon testosterone and power. Salesmen’s will go door to door again to create a sense of morbid normalcy and we will endure.
Just ignore the fact that the milkman spent more quality time with your wife than you ever did. Your children will hate you for turning their bright futures into a cesspool filled chaotic rant about the amount of money you don’t make because of your boss. Never focus on the fact that you were never taught to take care of yourself or others, you were only taught to provide money, and die in battle. We cannot see these things, because they are not the things that made America great.
The audacity and greed of my brain to be able to want a compassionate release to this emotional state that I have endured for days, but I am not willing to go back before my parents were even thought to the moment that everyone yearns for as great times.
I wanted to introduce your society to you. The Societal norm. I couldn’t keep that trend up, finals hit and my life turned upside down. It’s almost poetic now, because the society that did exist, no longer does, and will not again for quite some time. It is burning as we speak, and the only thought I have is, what do I do now?
No one is acting like a leader. I cannot find the hope that I would normally have, and I’m watching the people that you have championed since day one as protectors, literally make you into riotous angry people. You’re being manipulated on the spot. I’m sorry.