Well this is not something that I figured I would be discussing. Though now that I am sitting down in front of my computer to do my math for a class that I have avoided due to the grieving process of my past self, and the male parental figure that I had for thirty three years of my life, I am compelled to write this so that I can get it out of my head, avoiding all run on sentences that I can here is the best possible way I can express the world that I live in and the needs that are important to me, and why you should find what is important to you.
I started writing this before I knew why I was writing this blog. I wrote first because I wanted to express myself in a way that allowed me to get it out of my head but on a piece of paper, it was small things, like notes to my therapist, I have them still and reading them makes me realize that I processed so much information in very small periods of times without any proper guidance on what was important and what was grammatically correct when looking at my sentences. I am leaving it though because it is a great metaphor for my head, run-on sentences that make my head split into diverging paths of thought and create a whirlwind of confusion.
So where was I, I wrote a blog, I wanted that blog to do something for me, so I wrote about me, and now I left that blog about two months ago, this is the third post back for this blog, and I am hopeful that I can process what I am trying to say now. We shall see right? Because I need this place, and the erratic nature of my writing shows that. If this is how I see the world then how can I not have to write it down to be able to process it right? That is what I am attempting to express in this blog post now and until this sentence, have you even thought about that? Probably not as I have not had that specific thought, so now I find myself frustrated, almost four hundred words and I just now got to my point, and if I did not have my writing I would not know that I was even able to be frustrated.
Oh the mind of an autistic person is interesting, had I of been out in the world right now I would not be ale to explain any of this, especially the fact that I needed to write this to be able to do my math. That makes no sense to me at this moment because as I stated earlier the writing allows me to process what is going on. Paranoia and terror about failing a test is keeping me from doing my math, I write it down and put some extra words to it, put it in a blog post, have people read it, and I no longer have to have such terror. Stand up comedy works the same way, take your trauma, put it into a joke, others have to experience it, and now you have suddenly made it about yourself being funny instead of the world being a fucking waste.That being said I hope you all enjoyed this blog post, it is always important for me to write this out and I hope you get the take away that you need from this to help you through whatever is going on with you. See you all again soon, and have a good day, you are not your demons remember that.