If you have been following this blog, you will by now probably see a theme, life sucks. This pattern was not something that I enjoyed creating, it is something that I had to notice by thinking about the information I was offering when writing. Recently I switched therapists, and this was a tough decision, a decision that took me days to write this new blog. Why do these decisions take so much from me though? I do not go headstrong into these things with such severity that I will burn out quickly. Instead I sit in a room, listening to music, and feeling the world break down around me in a self-harming way.
This is my method of dealing with life, for the last two weeks since switching therapists I have sat in front of a television playing a video game, and now I am coming out of that mess. If I could stop this from happening I would in a heartbeat, yet I cannot even recognize the issue at hand so I just crumble into a shell that must take care of the important factors without dealing with my own emotions or anyone arounds me emotional state. I feel like this is a regression of the progress that I’ve made, and I make it a point to push through it no matter what, this is my Autism.
I wish I could tell you the actual difficulties, or why they are important. Though I can tell you what happens, I make note of everything that MUST be done no matter what, and I wait until the last minute to take care of any of it, while also preparing it in my head, this is my Anxiety. Tasks could not be completed without my anxiety, and the importance of it must be stated to a degree that I cannot ever put into words, yet anxiety boosts your senses and adrenaline.
Sensory issues accompany Autism. I can walk into a room and hear water running in a wall, or if I am in a mall, I can hear a conversation on the floor above me. I thought this was normal, it is but the abnormal part is to hear these things and be unable to tune them out while having a conversation. Human beings live so self-absorbed in their own lives that their minds tune out the other senses, I cannot do this on a regular basis.
These are my difficulties of life. I write about them often, and I attempt to properly explain them each time. If this is repetitive for you I apologize, hopefully I bring a new understanding each time I must write this same blog again.
Thank you for listening to my vent, I am hopeful that I can return to the communication that I enjoy so heavily when speaking about ideal issues and frustrations with everyday life and society. This is an important part of life and I imagine it is for anyone who follows this blog. If you are here, remember no human being is their temporary demons, allow them to change and they MAY surprise you. Offer yourself this same courtesy and you may go from being unable to read to writing blogs in an attempt to reach people within a three months time. Good luck.