500 words to… Survival

I like this gimmick, 500 words to write down something that created a sense of wonder or inner turmoil in my head, sharing it with the world, and hopefully taking a few moments to make life to others a little better by knowing that someone else deals with issues as well. That was given to me in a separate way though. See I started this blog thinking that I was writing down my thoughts and preparing them for the netizens that don’t exist to read in a way that will never receive any feedback. Then someone clicked the like button, and I was overcome with a sense of confusion because I am not met with the thumbs up in real life very often except from one person. My girlfriend is the person I speak of, five years now we have been together and everyday it’s the same thing, “Help me help you.” this has been the running theme of our relationship both ways.

If I told you that 500 words was enough to tell her the relationship that we have and what its has meant to me I would be lying, I may not have enough words in the English language, or all of the languages combined to express properly the type of relationship that we have in my eyes. That was what gave me the ability to even sit down and write a blog that put my thoughts on a paper. Had I of had to write before that, I would not have presented my thoughts, I would have presented the prepared argument that I continue to present to the social construct that is everyday life.

I bring this topic up though because recently I was reminded again why it’s so important to have someone like my girlfriend in your life, and if you’re me, how you can recognize and validate that person’s existence.

My old therapist is one hell of a human being. I did not know that at all until yesterday at the end of my session with her and my girlfriend. I also did not expect the perspective that I view the world to change so drastically in the minutes to follow. This was the value of my girlfriend in that moment. She was able to recognize after two visits with me that there was a dangerous dynamic in my therapy which was causing me to be agitated in my life on the regular. What was worse is that my therapist took advantage of this because for the stereotypical normal mindset the type of therapy that was being used helped the general population while also validating her own personal demons. This leaves her blind to the world, and gives anyone that see’s her in the therapy setting the appearance that she has everything under control, because she wants that control.

The solace given to a clinically depressed or anxiety ridden person incapable of taking care of themselves when their control is taken away from them is something that calms them from what I have seen and experienced myself. For me, and people like me, who do not want to control the world, and do not want to give up their own ability to be themselves, this is a ticking time bomb.

We shall elaborate on this more in the future. Thank you if you’re here reading this in any capacity. As always remember you are not your demons, everyone struggles, so it will be okay if you struggle too.

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