“How can we think so differently?” The easy way to change that question.

As today’s title suggest, that unbridgeable disagreement moment where you look at the other person and say to yourself something like, “What the hell are you on?” will be our focus. I have experienced instances like this everyday because of my difficulties in life, but what does that really mean when it comes to the details of those difficulties is what creates that moment. I focus on broad idea’s because patterns are so easy to connect when you have access to a wealth of information. Especially when taking the broad brush of human history, you can find reasons for anything to be the way it is with evidence throughout history supporting that reasoning. What happens when the person that you are disagreeing with decides that their reasoning for the argument has changed because I introduced a specific event that caused the disconnect that they did not realized had even been done? When I get that stare it is because the reasons I use as the reason for the disconnect, no one knew I was looking when these things happened. Assumptions becomes the next issue that causes the disconnect to grow even further.

When people think of the other person/party in their moment of disagreement many different emotions can be used to further the issue that has been undertaken as a discussion between you and another person.  Most of these emotions you must assume the other person can either understand or be made to understand you are experiencing. When these emotions or assumptions are considered outlandish in anyway suddenly the rift expands even more. I find this out frequently when I’m in the process of having a disagreement and the other person thinks I’m angry, when I’m the furthest thing from angry, I may only be anxious or even excited yet cannot control my voice inflection enough to be heard properly.

This led me to having a better understanding of the world when I decided to change my way of expression though, and is why I say now, it can be changed. I preach about understanding a fair amount more than just on this blog, so it carries over into my personal perception of life as well. When having a disagreement currently I do everything in my power to assess the disagreement in a way that allows me to understand their point of view. In short terms, I listen. Upon utilizing that method of communication, I came across another problem though. Without the need to be heard above everything else clouding my mind I was able to see that the other person is as equally culpable for our disconnect.

I have heard this statement many different ways but the way that I’ve expressed it goes like this. If the person you are talking to, either consciously or unconsciously desires not to understand your point of view, there is nothing you can do to change that. Meaning no matter how much you change your argument to mean the same but fit their metaphorical understanding, you will never get through. A fundamental breakdown has occurred, and nothing will be communicated because of this breakdown.

My solution has been to address this fundamental breakdown, through an empathetic process of communicating when a disagreement or disconnect occurs I have found that a middle ground can be found at a much quicker pace than would normally be found. There is also the other side of this process in which you take all of the blame for the breakdown off of yourself allowing you to see the conversation as it is, but it can have the unintended consequence of causing the other person to believe you are blaming them. I have had this happen a few times as well.

In conclusion I encourage you all to find out what end of the communication spectrum you are on and bring yourself closer to the middle. It does not matter if you listen and blame yourself for the breakdown or assume and aggressively blame someone else for the breakdown both are extremes that only damage your own mind. Allowing yourself to listen and not blaming yourself or others for the breakdown in communication gives the power of assumption to the other person and allows you the piece of mind that you are being validated when everyone understands things properly. This type of communication allows everyone to grow as they move along their own personal communication spectrum.

As always be kind to yourself, you are not your demons. Thank you for reading and being here. If you have the ability to read, you have the ability to fight your inner demons and win. Do not give up, and if you need professional help do not consider yourself weak, just go get what you need, do not let anyone tell you that you are being unreasonable.

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