Recently I found myself listening to George Carlin. I wanted to learn from the Master of Comedy on my journey to become a stand up. I also did this because I felt it was important as he was easily someone who cared about his work more than anyone I knew. Carlin had a way of making his words more impactful than the second time you heard them. I figured this would be a good art to learn, boy did I not expect what I got in return.
What makes a person exceptional is something that I got explained to me. The words of an exceptional person when they accept their own inner nature become something beyond words. Had I understood this I would have been looking towards the inner nature that I have instead of attempting to sell appliances for the last ten years. That is the secret that Carlin explained in his last interview. He stated it so matter of fact like that it can even be said that this was not something that he ever questioned. How can that be possible when he questioned everything else? I remember the days of listening to Carlin hearing about how the world was doomed and everyone was out to spy or inflict some form of harm on another. Then I thought he was a nut boy I was wrong. I watched his comedy with a type of youthful ignorance that I did not yet understand was a part of me.
It is a difficult thing to explain how to find a “Inner Nature”. If I could say impossible I would honestly, but I cannot. The reason being that when I personally let go of my own desires to achieve something, and I sat in a room alone writing out my thoughts, I found what I would have called my “Inner Child”. I even wrote about the murder of my inner child when I lost faith in the desires that I had found from that moment. A catharsis happened through that moment though.
The process of letting go of my own expectations I found the desire to do comedy. The best part of comedy is that I feel my parents would finally be proud of me for once. Yet I still did the same exact thing while attempting to prepare for comedy. Such is me right? So in learning from all these comedians I was putting together this list of ideas projects and skills that I was learning to work for me, expecting to see results. I do things quick but damn that was impossible without know what the hell I was looking to do. Yet everyone I listened to said be yourself is the first goal, and here I am looking for that. What a chump right? Except that was the goal I had find myself.
This blog taught me how to be myself as luck would have it. If you go back through and read these blogs, you can see the trend building. I wanted to build a mirror into my mind, and I refused for this to be my art. I was building my own way to allow me to find me, and then Carlin, Christopher Titus, and a few improv friends start picking away at that idea that I was bad at what I was doing. I was new so why would I be bad? Yet I believed I was bad, because I was trying to be a version of these people, not myself, even though I was using their advice. They honed their skills over the course of a long period of time, here I am trying to pull from their abilities without realizing that these people even if they are not true to themselves have practiced for years now.
Big picture time, what does it all mean? I took a progression to learn the person that I am, still have not even found who that is. I write this blog because maybe it will help me find out who that is, but I also write this because I want to love myself and others to love themselves. To do so I have to take stock of the person that I am, and I hope that others find that same desire and intuition in their everyday lives.
As always thank you for reading, if your only reading the end or the beginning all that matters is you are here. Do keep your own mental health in mind, do not allow others to tell you who you are. You are not your demons it is always important to keep that in mind. Talk to you all again soon.