I’m having a difficult time being able to define my success. It seems as if the days are blending together because I am having trouble sleeping but I want to rest, and I’m having trouble waking, doing the same thing everyday, not having a schedule to leave the house, and keeping the schedule for blogs is just about as much of a joke as the idea that I’m succeeding in this mess of a world at this moment in time. This all being said I made one dollar in a fake BitCoin simulator today because I was attempting to understand the system. That accounts for something right?
Does my success dictate that I am able to continue this blog and because of that I am successful? What if that success means nothing in the grand scheme of my world? What if it’s the most important thing because it becomes a pivotal part of the person I could be? These are the types of questions that enter my mind when I look for the definition of success. Having the ability to define success for ones self is something that I’ve never been able to achieve, I’ve found “Goals”, these “Goals” release that rush of dopamine and adrenaline which fuels the quest, but not a defined success that is important and attainable has never been addressed or achievable to me in a tangible way.
I find this important though because what if this is the issue holding me back from discussing daily on this blog? What if this issue is the thing holding me back from living a life that is much different than the one I currently live. How does one change their mindset from a pessimistic cynical understanding of life to an optimistic view that attracts and breathes attainable achievement in everyday life? It can probably be found through cognitive behavioral therapy or through finding a comfort in my everyday life.
In conclusion though the most important factor I feel to being able to define this success is the importance of not feeling fatigued. Since my first day of cognitive memories I have felt fatigued. There are times I do not feel completely fatigued, I actually consider those times to be rather important sought after instances, and also times that I refuse to let go of in a quest to find repeatedly.
Maybe that wasn’t my conclusion, what if the fatigue is the issue that is holding me back, so finding a bed time and sticking to it would be the most important issue at hand, no matter what the rest of the world is doing around me, a consistency that gives me the ability to grow upon. However it gets done, I know that I have the quest but finding the direction is more important than finding the solution. Finding the end was my survival mechanism, now finding the direction to begin has become my new focus, ironically the same fervor must be used, so it just trades survival for action, still attempting to differentiate these in my head at this moment.
Remember as always if you have the power to read, the ability to listen, and the desire to get past your own demons, you’re doing a damn sight better than most, don’t give up, don’t give in, and I’ll see you next time.