Here it is, after many years of back and forth I am finally going to start this journey, write this and reflect. It is been years in the making, and something that I have avoided. Even now I am checking Icons for the site avoiding the actual work that needs to be done postponing the anxiety. It becomes a marvelous feat how the human mind allows itself to prioritize other issues to shield itself from anything that is emotionally painful.
Could blame music for my current introspection, I could also blame myself as I am one of those humans that desires knowledge and understanding, to a potentially clinically dangerous degree according to the DSM-V, and my therapist. Yet now, almost thirty four years into my life on a Monday I sit down after picking at templates, figuring out what I want to make a professional presentation only to find out that presentation means nothing without content, and content means nothing if I am unable to write this letter.
This is supposed to be a one-way mirror into my world so let me set an atmosphere to this scene. Asking Alexandria “Moving On” playing in my headset. The living room is cold, and I am tired. It is closing in on four in the afternoon, and I will have only written this letter today. Already defeated yet trudging on becoming the most ironic version of myself, scared of the result enough to avoid it, yet having a result by continuing to write.
“Now after some distractions I am unable to continue writing”. This sentence plays over and over as I sit back down, getting a cup of coffee, after talking to my significant other discussing the day. As the day goes, it is a good day, this atmosphere is comforting because I can understand it. Nothing has created an abstract reality bending idea to understand, there is nothing that needs to be solved, and while I am discussing many issues of my own, I will finish this today.
Bringing this introduction to an end, my goal is still the same I want to create a project that allows me to reflect and allowing others to see. This project can be the building blocks to a better thought process for me, and a way of expressing the turmoil’s of everyday life, or it can be a bastardization of the therapeutic process, as time as progressed in my life though, I’ve found that I normally find myself in the middle of the bastardization of a process, and the building blocks. Hopefully, my ability to analyze efficiently, create effectively, and reimagine expertly will afford me the best possible outcome.
That is all for now, for tomorrow is another day to expect more.